dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
