saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Bring me that man meat
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
