I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
