i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
