I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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