she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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