just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
