Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
