I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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