yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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