if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
