my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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