Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
