it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
