Your face is a jimmy john
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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