he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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