Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
