I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
