I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
