i don't like sucking hair
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
