hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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