I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He kissed a someone with a penis
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
