Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
