Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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