hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
