I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Randomize
