Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
