it wasn't lemon gatorade
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
