Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
