so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
