Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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