I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
