she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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