I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
