Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
