she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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