I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize