I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
nutella sex= disaster
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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