shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im just a social blackout drinker.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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