I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
