So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
