Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
