I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
