She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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