Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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