Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
