Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You're like the curious george of whores
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
