have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
