i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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