He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm gonna fight the coyote
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
