Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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