Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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