You're so nebulous sometimes
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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