those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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