haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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