my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
