I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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