Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
