there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize