Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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