I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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