Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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