in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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