just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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