lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
