There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
