I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
