if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
