Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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