Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
