theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
do herpes really smell.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
