I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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