Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

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(903): View more from Texas

The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.

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(734): View more from Michigan

He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked

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(616): View more from Michigan

He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.

(1-616): View more from Michigan

Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!

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(303): View more from Colorado

Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

as a side note pls kill me

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(765): View more from Indiana

I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro

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