I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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