Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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