Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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