hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
