His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
