It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
