Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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