I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
