I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
