There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
