forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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