I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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